Brits abroad, and idiots on the roads.

As some of you readers may know I have been doing a lot of cycling, and in fact have stopped driving and am cycling instead where possible, not really for being green or for exercise, but because I enjoy it and commuting it's quicker. What you may also know is that I love holidays, unless of course, they are to Tunisia by Thomson.

Brits Abroad


The English are terrible outside of our own borders and not great within them in all honesty. Normally I avoid the locations rife with the knuckle-dragger hot zones such as Ibiza, Benidorm, and Amsterdam etc. However I occasionally go to areas near these "hot zones" as they are cheaper, and sometimes it's nice to just get away.


Day 1 approaching the beach on the Costa Del Sol, and I am greeted to a treat for spots to go and have a sizzle in the sun, It could be the parents with 16 kids with no sun cream on running around flicking sand all over the families neighbours. The array of alternatives include a couple sat not talking to each other one of which looks like a hippo shoehorned into an elastic band (I won't say which), a group of 20-something chavs getting rowdy and red with chavtunes blaring out of their phones, and then there's the old couple with skin an alligator would be envious of and reading yesterdays British paper despite living in Spain for the past 15 years. Joy.


After completing a day on what feels like the beach of Normandy because of the invasion of Brits we watch as most of them get up and continue to complain how burnt they are "but I never burn like this in England" they say. So we head back to our safe haven and get ready to go out for dinner and have a few drinks.


Entering our restaurant of choice (we chose this one as it actually sold Spanish food) and upon seating another English group pile in shortly afterwards, presumably under the 'safety in numbers' theory assuming that if we think the food is good, it will be. We continue to order a selection of tapas, which I might add was delicious. I continue to eye the British family who are already looking very baffled by the menu "Where is the English option?" one of the teenagers said only to be interrupted by his father being disgusted because the bar doesn't have Stella.


So in short, the English have managed to overwhelm a beach with obnoxiousness, clear a nice restaurant through their stench of ignorance, and manage to turn what can only be explained as "painful red".


After one day of this I commend all Europeans in tourism, you have the patience of saints. The reason I say "Europeans" only, is because most of our horrible travellers daren’t travel outside of the comfort zone.


Idiots on the road


Now, am I referring to cyclists? Or motorists? Actually, it's both AND pedestrians. As a regular cyclist I have discovered people seem to have some kind of disability which stops them from turning their necks to look anywhere. I'll be honest I do cut and clip between traffic when necessary, however, this will only be between stationary traffic or around cars that think bike lanes are a nice comfort zone for their left 2 wheels.


This isn't even a rant at the so called epitome of drivers "the dreaded van driver" these guys use their wing mirrors and I have never had to squeeze between the curb and the vehicle. The worst are normally families or taxis, clinging to the curb as if it's some kind of radiator in the winter. You are horrific drivers and don't deserve to be on the road! One guy actually told me "you shouldn't be on the road" after I knocked on his window and told him his car is in the bike lane!


Next time you're driving along and see that little green area with a white bicycle in it, this isn't an area for you to suddenly vere into leaving a nice 1 metre cushion between you and the middle of the road, it's actually for cyclists you imbecile.


As for you fellow cyclists, how do you not have respect for the rules of the road and for other road-goers. I frequently see cyclists simply cycle through red lights near-hitting pedestrians, and going straight through busy cross roads.


Now you pedestrians, this mostly applies to you drug addled morons walking on the path in a long line with one of you more often than not trapezing along the curb with half of their bodies in the curb side of the road, funnily enough, the same bit of road the cycle lane is located. Normally a "get out of the way" will provoke them to move, however, it does come to the point of having to wait for them to realise how moronic they actually are I've seen bunnies which are safer near the road than these pedestrians.


So between the cyclists which are running reds, the pedestrians attacking from the curb, the people carriers invading from the road and only a minority of sane cyclists in the middle it's no wonder my blood boils on almost a daily basis because of the road base idiots.

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